THE EMERALD BANANA Chapter 5: A Battle of Deception


Sephita made her choice, she declared “Let’s play two truths and a lie”, the wagon riders hummed in amusement at this, Yunkel replied “But how can we tell when someone is telling a lie? This needs to be a fair game”, Sephita replied “Do you have a local wizard? One who knows a lie detection spell? They can be our referee”, and the wagon riders looked at each other in agreement.

So, Yunkel and the wagon riders led Sephita into a tavern called “The Twisted Elephant”, they walked up to a wizard guzzling beer, then Yunkel asked the wizard “Hey Hambridge, we’re playing a game of two truths and a lie, we need your lie detection spell!”, and Hambridge groaned “Why am I always only asked for meaningless tasks?! See, this is why I drink!”. Hambridge finished his pint, then drunkenly got up from his seat, rolled up his sleeves, and stood between the two opposing teams.

Hambridge explained “In order for this to work, I’ll have to cast the spell after a team has decided which statement is the lie, or you fartbags will end up cheating!”, and everyone nodded in agreement. Yunkel got a coin out of his pocket, deciding “Heads we go first, tails you go first”, he flipped the coin, and the coin landed on heads. By now, all the tavern patrons had gathered around this game in the shape of a circle, each spectator having an interest in the duel of guessing the lie.

Yunkel stepped into the circle, cracked his knuckles, then bellowed “I once killed a troll with my pinky finger, I have rode a wagon for the famous minstrel Issac Flattey, and I can do 100 press ups without rest!”, these statements sent the other wagon riders into a loud cheer. Hambridge meanwhile, was ordering another pint from the bar, while rubbing his hands in excitement. 

Sephita stroked her chin, stepped into the ring, then asked “So, how did you kill the troll with your pinky finger?”, Yunkel replied “It was actually quite easy, I shoved my little pinky fingers into his nostrils, swung him around, and threw him against the cave wall!”, but Sephita just smiled at this claim. She then questioned him about meeting Isaac, Yunkel explained “Isaac had come to this town for a gig, it was a a huge hit, but all his fangirls started chasing him, and I offered him a ride to the next city over”. 

This claim seemed to add up, as Sephita saw an old tattered poster for Isaac’s recent performance at this very tavern, so it was hard for her to immediately see this statement as lie, but what about the press ups? Sephita asked Yunkel to prove that he could do this, so the cocky wagon rider got into position, and started doing press ups while his friends encouraged him with barking chants. “99… 100..” said Yunkel, he then smugly stood back up, did a flirty point to some girls in the crowd, and folded his arms. 

Sephita clapped, then announced “Right, I know which is the lie!”, Yunkel rolled his eyes, Sephita confidently said “The troll one, why? Because you said you only used one pinky finger, but went on to say that you used both”, this turned Yunkel’s face white, and Hambridge, who was now almost finished with his newest pint, cast the lie detection spell to reveal… she was right! Yunkel threw his hat on the ground in annoyance, while his friends patted his back for comfort. 

Hambridge warbled “Okay, so, the scary lady in armor wins this round, good on the lass, but if she loses the second round, then we’ll have a tiebreaker of some sort, I don’t bloody know!”. Sephita took centre stage of the ring, held her hips with pride, then loudly stated “I can shoot an arrow through an apple on top someone’s head without missing, I once accidentally started a fire in a barn, and I am the legendary warrior known as the Devil Witch”. 

Yunkel laughed mockingly, stroked his beard, then boastfully said “I know which is the lie right away, there’s no way that you’re the devil witch! The woman who defeated an entire fleet of ships by herself! Pfft! That’s just an urban myth! Haha! Okay, I pick the Devil Witch one as the lie”, so Hambridge cast his lie detection spell, as the spectators watched in anticipation, and Hambridge revealed “Nope, that was true, you lose you greasy wagon pushing plonker!” 

Everyone stared at Sephita in shock, now knowing that she was the legendary Devil Witch, some responded with intrigue, while others stepped back in fear. Sephita went up to Yunkel, smirked, and reminded him “Remember our little wager? It’s time you took me to Zorkstan”. Yunkel pulled up his belt, started muttering under his breath, then went up to the bar to get a drink, while the the other wagon riders took off their hats in shame. 

Hambridge wiped the foamy beer from his mouth, coughed loudly, shuffled himself closer to Sephita, and asked “So, do you need any companions on your quest?”. Sephita turned to the old drunk wizard, folded her arms, and Hambridge stuttered “L-l-look I have no purpose in this town! People just use my spells for pub games, but you are on a special adventure, maybe I could use my magic to help you?”


Posted on October 8, 2019, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Francisco Neolith

    I like how you deconstruct the stereotypical wizard from contemporary fantasy fiction as being so tired of his role that he just doesn’t give any kind of a d—n anymore, which makes it somewhat interesting when, at the end of the chapter, he decides to join the quest anyway. Indeed, I would consider that you also are starting to reference myths and folklore, e.g. the man who could shoot an arrow atop someone’s head is a reference to the Swiss folktale of William Tell.
    However, there are problems with the story, for reasons that must be explained: how on earth did Sephita know that the wizard’s name was Hamstring? It comes completely out of nowhere. Also, some of the punctuation could do with a little work, especially concerning the introduction of dialogue.
    Nevertheless, the “two truths and a lie” game is somewhat interesting, although it could have been described in much more evocative detail.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: